Employment, woo!

I started my new job yesterday as a (don’t laugh) dinner lady at my local school. It’s fun, the ladies I work with are friendly, and the kids are sweet. Well, they’ve been sweet the last couple of days, the ladies say that it’s because there’s a new face around and when they clue in to the fact I’m here for a while, they’ll start causing trouble again. Two of them have already cheerfully introduced themselves to me, which resulted in this fun exchange:

Boy: “Can you guess what my name is?”

Me: “Hmm… is it… Joe?”

Boy: *look of shock* How did you know?!

Me: Ahh, I have my methods. *winking at the lady who told me his name earlier*

(Changed the name because, it’s a kid, I don’t want to share their names online.)

You may think that based on my recent posts about being a terrible cook that being a dinner lady is an inappropriate fit for me, but last night I made a delicious dinner and didn’t burn anything or leave anything raw. Nobody died – that’s the mark of a good-enough cook in my opinion. “Nobody’s died here” should be the name of a restaurant. You can market it by adding the word (yet) in brackets on all the promotional material and give out leaflets in the door that say “Will you be the first?”

Working in a school, and in the kitchen none the less, has also meant acquiring a voice for big people and a voice for little people. I’m not much of a talker and my voice is not at all authoritative. I yell at kids to “walk, don’t run!” and the kids run faster. The only problem is, when talking in my little peoples voice it’s hard to switch off, so I end up talking to teachers in my little peoples voice and

Christmas joke of the day! You get two day since I missed yesterdays:

Q: How do witches tell the time?
A: With a witch-watch!

Q: Who delivers cats Christmas presents?
A: Santa Paws!

At least one of them were Christmas related…


Yoga and eggs, a magical combination

I was all ready to write this post about the hilarity of me doing yoga, but I actually found that yoga is fun! I did three sun salutations which are basically super beginners yoga. It was kind of amusing, seeing as one of the positions was supposed to look like this:


And ended up looking like this:


Very elegant.

So, instead of getting to laugh at me about yoga, laugh at me because I am apparently incapable of poaching an egg. This is the way I’ve been taught how to do it for years:

Boil water. Stir the water around in a circle until you’ve got a mini water-tornado or whatever those things are called. Crack an egg into the centre and the water will spin the egg around while cooking it to make a nicely made poached egg. Yum.

Whenever I use this way, here’s what happens:

Boil water. Stir the water around in a circle until mini water-tornado appears. Crack an egg into the centre and the entire egg expands throughout the water and I end up with frothy egg white all over the place and this tiny bit of poached-yolk. Not quite as yum.

So my boyfriend decided to teach me a new method of poaching eggs. It went well, sort of, except I had no idea whether or not the egg was cooked so had to keep asking Mike ‘is it ready now? How about now?’. This method of poaching eggs had me floating the egg in a little container, but we don’t have any little containers that won’t melt in boiling water, so I used a heat-proof ladle instead. Because it was heat proof, it took ages to actually cook the egg and so the actual process of cooking involved me standing there for 15 minutes attempting to get everything else ready with one hand because the other hand had to hold the ladle.

Tomorrow I think I’ll stick to boiled eggs…

Christmas joke of the day (in case you’d thought I’d forgotten):

Q: What happens when you drop a snowball into a glass of water?
A: It gets wet!

Comedy. Gold.