I have a hat that is also a scarf. It’s amazing and I love it. It was a present last year at Christmas, an awesome present and it makes me look like an idiot which is possibly half the reason why I love it. There are, however, a few downsides to the hat/scarf, namely- it’s impossible to keep the scarf bits from falling back down in front of you leaving your neck exposed. So I’m constantly having to wrap the scarf back around my neck, which pulls out my ear phones and leaves me in a general cuffuffle.
I’ve spent a good portion of today making Christmas decorations. Here’s the tree:
Christmas Joke of the day:
Q: What hides in a bakery at Christmas?
A: A mince spy!
Every day inside my advent calendar there’s some stupid little joke. When I say “stupid little joke”, what I actually mean is that they’re hilariously bad and I say it out loud and Mike rolls his eyes while I giggle like a little girl. And because I like sharing, I’m going to share them with you here. You’re welcome.
Q: What do you get if you cross a snowman with a shark?
A: Frost bite!
Q: Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of trousers?
A: In case he got a hole in one!
Q: How do snowmen get around?
A: They ride an icicle!
Q: What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Q: What kind of paper likes music?
A: Rapping paper!
Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
Awesome. I bet you can’t wait for tomorrows joke.
Also inside my advent calendar are teeny little chocolates. Like, I’m talking around the same size as a babies pinky. I’m fully aware of how much of a pig this makes me, but I want a proper sized chocolate, dammit! It’s probably something to do with the fact that if they were properly sized chocolates, the main target audience of advent calendars – kids – would end up getting much fatter or something.
Or because small amounts of chocolate over a series of days would be better than huge pieces, regardless of how old you are. However! This is clearly a great product idea. Advent calendars for adults. Except, instead of porn on them, there’s grown up sized chocolate. I mean, I’m sure the porn-filled advent calendars would sell well too, but I wouldn’t buy them, and really that’s the only reason I’m excited about this idea. If you want porn filled advent calendars, go shop in an adult store or something. If they don’t have them, suggest it and make thousands over Christmas next year.
Have you started Christmas shopping yet? I haven’t, which probably means this month is going to involve me screaming around the house like a mad woman. Last year, the shopping got finished about a week before the 25th and it was hell.
What’s worse is, I was all “Oh, next year I’ll be ready.” It’s next year now, brain! Where’s all your damn motivation?!
Oh, that’s right, in the same place it is for cleaning the house, getting healthy and writing every day…
Next year, I’ll be ready. Promise.
Christmas cards, on the other hand – I’m totally getting there. I always make my Christmas cards for my immediate family, because I’m a giant dork, and I’m sure my parents are always ‘oh god, another one of Sarah’s homemade cards, whhyy doesn’t she just buy them from the store like a normal person?’ but, hey, I’m a terrible daughter who likes to torture her family with badly made cards.
This year, I’m making one card for all my friends as well, only I’m being a bit lazy and just making one design with a slight variation on each. But, what’s even better is, I’m incorporating the spirit of the impending apocolypse by drawing zombies wearing Christmas hats on them. Here’s a rough sketch of what will eventually be the best Christmas cards ever:
Festive and topical.
My local supermarket has had carol singers in the entrance collecting money for charity and the Santa looks painfully miserable. Though, when I went in it was at the end of their shift so he was doing his shopping still in full costume and it was awesome! Santa shops at Sainsbury’s, everyone! He buys six packs of booze and cheap baked beans! I wanted to take a photo but thought it would be a bit creepy to take a photo of some guy in the supermarket, even if he was Santa. Even Mr. Claus needs some time off, especially this time of year.
I wasn’t nervous about the impending doom until I wrote this. Only 19 more days until the end of the world! And by that, I mean Christmas.